Can you ditch the validation trap?

Do you ever catch yourself making choices or acting a certain way because of what others expect from you? Maybe you say yes to things just to fit in or be liked by a new group. Or perhaps you go along with plans because you’re afraid of causing a fuss or being seen as difficult. Then, when you’re finally alone, you replay everything in your mind and feel lousy. What if our peace and happiness only depended on our own approval? Imagine if the only person we needed to please was ourselves – wouldn’t that make life simpler? That’s what I’ve been pondering lately! I know what’s best for me, so why shouldn’t my opinion be the most important? And if you’re unsure about trusting your own judgment, isn’t that where the real work lies? Plus, trying to please everyone is exhausting. How can we satisfy everyone when each person wants something different? It’s impossible to be everything to everyone without losing our sanity.

I think about this a lot, both personally and in how I run my business. No one likes to admit they’re a people pleaser or crave validation, but after a while, this way of living starts to feel normal. Take compliments, for instance. Seeking validation through compliments can be harmful because if they don’t come, and that’s what you base your self-worth on, how would you feel? Say you start a new health routine, eating super “clean” and exercising daily. If no one comments on your progress, would it diminish your achievement?

We live in a society that thrives on people-pleasing, fueled by social media and instant gratification. We wonder, “What can I post to get the most likes?” or “What does my audience want to see?” I’ve been reflecting on this and trying to show up more authentically. I don’t have all the answers yet, but I’m working on it. What I do know is that I want to share more for me, because my happiness shouldn’t depend on sales, likes, comments, or others’ validation. There’s so much more I want to share and explore, and I’m excited to continue this journey with you.

Can we spend some time this week focusing on ourselves rather than those around us? The more we care about others’ opinions, the further we drift from our true selves. Can we really be ourselves if we’re constantly worried about what others think?

When you are clear about what you are doing and why, other people’s opinions will not matter.

- Marichelle 

1. Ask Yourself the Tough Questions

Are you doing things for yourself or for others? Take a moment to reflect on your daily activities and ask yourself this question along the way. When you post on social media, is it genuine and true to who you are, or are you seeking likes and instant gratification? Are you choosing that outfit before going out with friends because you think they’ll like it, because you hope to get attention, or because you genuinely love how you look and feel in it? Are you signing your kids up for after-school sports or activities because everyone else in your circle is doing it, or because your kids truly enjoy them? Are you eating "clean" because it’s trendy and you want people to see you as "healthy," or because it genuinely makes you feel good? These are simple daily actions, so take the time to explore who you’re doing them for.

2. Write Down Your Own Positive Traits

What compliments are you seeking from others? What types of validation make you feel good when others notice and comment on them? We all love a good compliment, don’t get me wrong. It feels amazing to be seen and acknowledged, but how can we focus on these traits ourselves and give ourselves a pat on the back? Think about the compliments you cherish, like “You’re a great mother,” “Wow, your children are so well-behaved,” “You’re such a hardworking person,” or “You are so patient.” These compliments feel great to hear, but why can’t we tell ourselves these things and own them independently?

3. Make a Happiness Vision Board

Okay, this one might sound cheesy, but really think about what makes you happy. What brings you joy each day? Gather some old magazines, search the internet, write down your thoughts, or draw them. Put them on a piece of paper and look at it each day. Remind yourself of what brings you those feel-good endorphins. Sometimes we get caught up in others' hobbies, accomplishments, and social media posts, finding ourselves trying to do what others are doing just because. This can lead to putting on a happy face and just going through the motions. Instead, really think about what makes you happy. It can be simple things like a warm cup of coffee on the porch or walking to a cafe for a chocolate croissant, or big things like when your partner truly listens to you or traveling to a place you love.

SET BOUNDARIES

It's okay to say no. Setting boundaries is an essential part of self-care. Recognize your limits and don't be afraid to protect your time and energy. By setting boundaries, you create space for activities and people that truly nourish you.

A Few Books to Read:

• Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach - Embracing your life with the heart of a Buddha.
• Good Morning, Monster by Catherine Gildiner
• The Power of Letting Go by John Purkiss
• Daring Greatly by Brené Brown - How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead.
• The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin - Or, why I spent a year trying to sing in the morning, clean my closets, fight right, read Aristotle, and generally have more fun.
• Rising Strong by Brené Brown - The reckoning, the rumble, the revolution.

For Kids:

• Eyes that Kiss in the Corners by Joanna Ho - A story of self-acceptance and beauty.
• Sulwe by Lupita Nyong'o - A story about self-esteem and beauty within.
• Just Ask! by Sonia Sotomayor - Be different, be brave, be you.